If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. I'm sorry. No matter how stupid, stupid turnt I got, I would NEVER be in a state of mind to let such a personal, private thing slip out. It doesn't matter how private it is, or if they say they don't, they talk. You should seek marriage counseling after this. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? My guess is that she was only sorry he caught her and she's been crying because she's about to become a divorced mom. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. Theres people that will truly respect you and love you the right way. I agree with this comment as a bi person! That's a MASSIVE breach of trust and decency, while you want to make it about him snooping? Take a few more days. My phone was blowing up the whole time with calls and text from my wife and a few from our friends. Emasculated. Will you ever be able to trust her with any important information again? They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. Im a masculine male with a bit of a cocky arrogance to me and I feel like all my confidence is gone. We were chatting in my kitchen (we own a two family house) and her boyfriend was eavesdropping at the connecting door. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". Truly when you come to the realisation your partner has such a low view , I sympathise a lot with you dude. I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. I can't stress enough how important it was that you didn't let this fester and at the same time you removed yourself from the situation to give yourself time to sort out your feelings. But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. She kept her bad friends 4. This right here. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. This wasn't the first time - no one but him was shocked and all the friends knew it was safe to joke about. Sorry you're going through this. I agree though it does sound like she started the mocking of his sexuality. Also, she doesn't like your sex life. Couples counselling may help as well. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. Your wife have no sense of conjugality. Thats punishment enough for some. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. You have every right to be pissed. 2. They give up so quickly when there's a whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. Who cares if she feels pressured by her friends to make fun of your sexuality or thinking about Tom, she either has shitty friends or she needs to take accountability for her actions and learn to grow up. Don't go broadcasting it. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. Winston Churchill I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. Most people in the comments seem to be going off of the deep end here. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. Very much agree with this person right here. By bringing it up then and making your feelings the most important feelings in the room, you are being childish. There was also probably some truth to her bedroom comments. I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. Gaslight, blameshifting, shamming, begging by the end and finally divorce. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. Remember also that it is okay to feel uncomfortable - instead of fighting these feelings, allow them to just pass through you. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. We must feel sadness and despair to know joy, as frustrating as that might seem. How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. They were together for 3 years. This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. I mean, what you probably should have done was just walk quietly back to the garage and talk about it in private with your wife later- like an adult. People are weak sometimes. Tell her that not another drop of alcohol is going to pass her lips from now on, it obviously addles her common sense. As for the rest of it, definitely couples counseling. I'm sorry you went through this. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. But, she finally conceded maybe he was genuine. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. Nope, don't buy it. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. She needs to understand that at least. And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. Your wife needs some new friends. I agree with the counseling. She tells my wife that Tom is still handsome as ever (this doesnt bother me, I feel im just as good looking) and they all give a little chuckle before my wife says something that floored me.Tom had reached out to her right before we got married and wanted her to get back together with him. Or do you think Ive misunderstood? The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? If so, I think you should try. Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. A Young Boy Hires Prostitute For One Hour 42:46. What she did is disrespectful to you as her husband, to herself as your wife, disrespectful AF to your kids (because they will absolutely hear this rumorone day if you live in a small town) and in my opinion this is a divorce threshold. Would she have thrown Tom under the bus like that to entertain her friends ignorance? You heard the truth when she was talking to her friends, about your private life, without your knowledge. I thanked him. But she enjoys to embarrass you to her friends behind your back about it. We have a dog and some goldfish. This is a huge betrayal and should not be minimised by either of you. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. Throwaway cause I know one of her friends is an avid reddit user and knows my main account. I knew I wasnt in a good state and ignored all of them. Your marriage is between the two of you. That's plain shitty. I will say at least you dumped the shit on the table straight away and didn't try to eat it by yourself. How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. Seems like part of the issue here is how ashamed you are of your own sexuality. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. Not impossible, but def not easy or quick. You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. To me this is an unfortunate situation one you would never have known about but for some low key curious snooping and snooping isn't meant as you were being a sneaky individual just a situation happened and you were part off it. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. In our response, lies our growth and our freedom. Do good anyway. They are not good people (homophobes are not good people), and they don't give a shit about you or your relationship with her. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Your wife probably didn't want to admit in front of her friends that she likes that you're into butt stuff and initiates most of the time. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. Take the space you need & honor your feelings. Also? How much more reassurance do you need? Your refusal to do so speaks to your character. So much this. No true friend will stab you in the back. But you have every right to be angry. There is now a before and an after in your marriage. Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. I thanked him. Are those things outweighed by her indiscrete talking (and her judgemental friends). After reading this post, I was so shocked I seen this as the first comment but was also laughing badly. About everything. Do NOT let her tell you your feelings are wrong. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . Your other half should be your protector but it turns out she's the instigator of making fun out of your sexuality - which should only be discussed between the two of you. Implying that OP's "flaw" as husband material is because he not 100% straight and slept with men is homophobic. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? Her exact words "I feel like i settled for him. It's not cool she didn't. She criticized him and tried to get me to break up with him. Tell her to flip the genders and make it you and the "boys" doing "locker room talk" about her and all the things she likes in the bedroom. I also pointed out that every single one of her relationships ended up being abusive so she had no right to tell me to leave my boyfriend when he'd never lay a finger on me. But I bet, she has told other people many years ago about it. You are NOT overreacting. Second, I am sorry you heard them given that I dont know exactly what it would take to rebuild trust from where you are currently. At a minimum she should have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened. Yeah, I'm a married woman. I wish you the best of luck and although feelings usually subside after sleep, please don't just say everything is alright when this incident has revealed fundamental issues in the relationship's trust and overall what she deems to be acceptable conversations with friends. When she closes her eyes shes thinking of other men, one of those other men is probably Tom. You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. She outed you to your group of friends without asking you about it. At 31 years old! Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. Your wife said that she accidently let slip two years ago you were bi. Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Now you know you have to be careful near her, from now on dont expose yourself that much. She continued to ignore my boundary. She might actually be into the stuff you guys do but is pressured by her friends to be a shitty person. We have 2 amazing kids. I told her I cant believe shed ever say something like that or not tell me how she felt.she continued to swear she was just being stupid and didnt mean or feel anything she said. Fourthly, buy that man a beer. Honestly the only advice I have is to don't give an inch on the fact that you were the one outted and ridiculed, not her. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk, and if she isn't she shouldn't be drinking. It's human nature. My wife and I always have a number one rule at the foundation of our relationship: never say a bad word about each other to anyone else. Good luck. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. Your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she thought you werent listening. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. Is she going to listen to her friends claim that you being bi has somehow swayed them? You can't keep things like that a secret forever. This is what I found out: She let my sexuality slip two years ago at a bachelorette party to her friends when she was completely shit faced and didnt remember till one of the girls made a joke about it and she freaked out and made them swear to never tell anyone she told them cause she knew how upset Id be. I even heard her shoosh the friend who said it and peek inside the kitchen but I hid behind the counter and kept listening. Sounds like she cares more about what her friends think than how you feel. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams, or maybe it was the velocity I was able to achieve on my heelys from the downward grade of my driveway. Lol, yup its amazing how scared people are to just be themselves. For a moment I felt ashamed. Im gonna get downvoted for this but I think you should hear it anyway OP. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. Yea, some people are just too worried what their peers think and arent (strong/brave) enough to go against the group. personally id be filing for divorce right away, being outed alone can be dangerous let alone your own partner then further breaking your trust by cracking jokes about your sexuality. Same! Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. Its just so cowardly and shows she's not on your team. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Second, if you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy it again? Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? IN YOUR HOME. First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. From everything, the most painful one was when exposition. I never said a word to anyone because I knew how bad she felt about that. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. No matter how many close and loving moments you have with your wife from this point forward, in the back of your mind youre gonna remember how easily someone -who you thought you were on the same team with- can piss all over that idea in exchange for making a few girls go no way?! And had kids with you. It sounds like they were encouraging your wife and Tom to connect. I have no advice but as a fellow bi, my condolences. There are plenty things I could talk about my girlfriend and make fun of her for it to my mates, but I dont because what happens between us stays between us. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. Like who knows what other shitty conversations she participated in, especially since this isn't the first time they've expressed this kind of thinking. But she also initiates in the bedroom a lot, which means at least the main idea of her bullshit is false. Couples counseling could help. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. Ugh. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. This. She pulled her friends into your marriage and made you the butt of a running joke. Posing with her Dutch-born man, the 29-year-old . It actually did make me feel a little better. If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. That's awful. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. Even individual counseling as well, to help you understand your own feelings and what you want to do in this relationship. She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. Wife: " (my name) I dunno what your heard but it's not what" Me: " (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard." I turned around and stormed off to our room. I dated a man who tried to beat the bisexuality out of me because the few girl friends I had were "my type." Viktor Frankl Standard Group Plc HQ Office, The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road. This has big sad middle America vibes or something. I agree with this comment the most. You're married to the person who should MOST be on your side and she has completely betrayed you for a fucking laugh. She didn't have your back and she put friendship with assholes over her partner in life. When people start talking about things that are intimate, sometimes they succumb to the pressure (not necessarily peer pressure in the "tell us, tell us sense, but more the pressure to feel bonded, to feel close to friends) to share things they shouldn't. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. Only one thing to do in this situation. For example, he keeps in touch with some of his exs and although it's his business he is always transparent with me because he know how I would feel if it was behind my back. I would just ask why her friends opinions matter more than yous twos intimacy. And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? One of the things they dont tell you about relationships is that you gotta be able to stand up for your SO when the time comesso even if OPs wife doesnt actually believe all that and bent to peer pressure, that really sucks and Im sorry she feels that way with her friends, but she shouldnt be surprised if she loses her husband. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. I think you handled that really well. But I'm not actually sorry: people act stupid sometimes. This is tough, because you're obviously going through it and I'm sorry you are hurt, very truly. This isn't your fault. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. She told him that he was drunk and that no she hadn't told me. If she did "accidentally" let it slip that you're bi, why did she continue talking with them about your sexuality in any context? Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? I was in a conversation with two other girls about anal sex. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . She stopped criticizing after that. I got in my car and drove to my moms house. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. BS. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. Think about you right now, and what you want. No. I am not straight, nor am I gay. Dude that story is messed up. My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. What can you say or she say tomorrow? Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. Being a bi women in a straight committed relationship, I can connect with you in some sense because I do hear "you can't be bi, you're married to a man" or I had previous partners that were horribly insecure about my sexuality. Your actions are your actions and the consequences are the consequences. I can also understand how this could be a blow to your confidence. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Therapy is the next logical step. Only point I wanted to make: it doesnt have to be one or the other. I'll be dammed if a single one of my friends said anything like that about my man. Im not at all saying you were wrong to stay and listen and your feelings are VALID. If you can't trust someone with your sexuality - you aren't going to trust them with anything else that matters to you, there will always be something keeping you from sharing your full self with them. 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